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  • dmjohnston3

The Query Process: It's On

I hate sending query letters. I hate it to the depths of my being, if for no other reason than the time it wastes. Oh, it's no epic feat to look up an email address, do a copy-paste, make a few modifications and then hit send, but given that the odds of reaping success from each one are essentially a rounding error, that few minutes is still too much.

Still, the theme of this venture of mine is, clearly, failure. If it wasn't failure, then I wouldn't be apprising you of my short story rejections on a monthly basis. Fundamentally, what I want you to take away from those posts is that writing is a hateful craft where people who profess to be on your side will destroy your dreams and floss with your works, and if you're too delicate for that then you should find a different hobby. I need you to be tough, because so many writer's guides seem intent on making you too soft to deal with the process.

And if sending out short story submissions is awful, then sending out queries is far worse. Yet here were are, following the one route available to us.

I'll be running a podcast to detail my frustrations as I watch the noses of many an agent tip upwards at my presence. In all seriousness, this will detail - in roughly real-time - my attempts to land an agent using a somewhat cynical method of submission in which I treat them like wildebeests that I'm tracking. There's no schedule for these, so if you haven't subscribed (and you haven't), now would be the time to do that. For those of you who opt to ignore my videos, then I will be adding a running tally to the end-of-month rejection reel - but isn't it better to get this kind of information as it's happening?

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